soundof_drums | 128

[Here's a vaguely sinister voice, but cheerful voice. So basically the Master sounds the same as always.]

[Ahem.] My secretary Miss Peters is out sick today, so I'm afraid you'll have to content yourselves with the sound of my voice.

Now.

A few reminders from the office of Principal Masters!

Firstly, students [He says that with great contempt.] "rock and roll" is hereby banned from the premises. Anybody caught listening to such filth will be given an immediate detention.

Also banned is dancing. It's inappropriate in the halls of learning. There will be consequences if I spot anybody doing "the twist." [You can practically hear the quotes around that.]

I feel I must also remind students that unnatural hair colours are strictly prohibited. Anybody who shows up with inappropriately coloured hair will be immediately removed from campus and sent home.

Finally, I will find and punish the bathroom vandal. Mark my words, earthli-- [Ahem.] Children.

[He lets that sit for a moment.]

A reminder for parents! Remember: tomorrow is the PTA meeting. On the agenda: the implementation of uniforms, reinstatement of corporal punishment, potential exploration into the possibility of capital punishment...?

Kidding! [He's not kidding.]

The wife will be providing refreshments.

[HEAR THAT, IRIS? >(]

Good day.

[OOC: The Master is Principal Donald Masters, evil alien from a planet of no fun, masquerading as a man. He's growing pod people in his backyard and plotting to replace ALL THE YOUTH WITH THEM. If you'd like to have a run-in with him, SPAM THIS POST AT WILL. I will also be throwing him into other posts when I have time later tonight.

Also, he will be dying at Iris's hands by the end of port, but people are free to catch up to him before that happens.]

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[He's up to this again, is he? Mark had just been speaking with a freshman girl who'd been so upset with one of Principal Masters' comments over her dress that she'd spent the first half of homeroom crying in Mark's office and depleting his Kleenex supply. Once she's been summarily comforted, the counselor heads down to the office to speak to the principal.]

Mr. Masters, we really need to discuss how we reinforce the dress code. It's gotten so strict the students can't keep all the rules straight. Yesterday Gillian Cartwright was sent home because her socks didn't come up to her knees!

[Masters looks up from the paperwork he's... pretending to be doing and taps his pen on the desk.]

Nonsense, the rules are all very straightforward if the children bothered to read the pamphlet. Why, it's all common sense! [He gestures dismissively with one hand.] Modesty is particularly important in this age group. If we compromise, there could be... gang activity. Canoodling under the bleachers. Teen pregnancy. I shudder to think of the possibilities.

The pamphlet is 52 pages long! Most of their reading assignments are shorter! [He swears, sometimes it seems like Masters is trying to be as difficult as possible. Especially with a conclusive leap like that.] That's... a bit of a stretch, sir. Maybe the students are more trustworthy than you're giving them credit for. I agree modesty is important, but why can't we simplify? Can't we just ban miniskirts and long hair on boys?

If their reading assignments are shorter than my pamphlet, then I shudder to think of the state of education in this school. Perhaps it's time to re-evaluate the curriculums. [Because that's clearly what he's supposed to take away from that comment.]

Not to worry, the dress code will be a nonissue once the PTA votes in favour of the new uniforms. I think they're just what this school needs. White shirts, khaki pants-- knee-length skirts, of course, for the girls. We'll have no more racy colours like red or yellow or hot pink. It will be one look for everybody!

...I'll be providing what? Did I know about this?

Edited 2013-01-21 20:14 (UTC)

Food. Drinks. Sustenance?

There are some wifely duties you mustn't shirk.

[...but what the hell do people eat? Iris lives off candy, coffee and alcohol but she is dimly aware other residents of Bargewell don't. If it were anyone but Donald, she'd ask for advice at this point, but she won't show weakness when he's looking. That much, she remembers.]

Fine. Sustenance it is.

[And she wishes you'd eat some so you could choke on it.]

There's a good girl.

Oh, shove it...

[She blinks, having lost the thread of that thought midsentence.]

...PTA. Food and drink. On it.

[EARTHLINGS HE WAS GOING TO SAY EARTHLINGS WHERE IS HIS MOM HE WAS WRIGHT OH GOD no Tim no you have to stay cool about this, obviously.]

Why rock and roll, sir?